Bright Yellow Note

I made you bleed.
Inside and out.
I used to be the vulnerable one.
The petite, shy one.
Now I charge, others fall.
It was an accident,
but I felt the world's eyes
dig into my head
as my roots dug
deeper into the ground.
Water rushed up,
up through my body,
then down,
down my face.
Couldn't control it.
Couldn't hold it in.

I wanted you to be angry
To tell me to die.
You just smiled and watched me cry.
I wanted to drown in your blood,
to choke on my tears,
to disappear.
It's not a big deal,
these things happen.
Accidents happen.
But some accidents kill.
And believe me,
this one's killing me.

A dark, heavy cloud hangs over me,
hangs by a string.
Soon, it will fall, and I'll be gone.
So before that happens,
before you forget me,
don't forget to remember my apology.
You accepted it, yes, but remember it.
Write it on a bright yellow not and hang it on your wall.
Don't forget that I'm sorry I made you cry.
I'm sorry I cried too.
I'm sorry my heart burst while you spat out blood.
I'm sorry I'll never give this to you in time.
The cloud is falling,
so I guess I'll be leaving.
Remember, okay?
Smile, because you look like the sun when you do.
You're beautiful and unique,
you're what the world needs.
Please don't cry,
leave that to me.

I'll see you again someday
but you won't see me.
Why?
Because I'll be hiding in the shadows,
away from the world.
I'll only drop in to see if you're okay.
To make sure you still remember the apology
on the bright yellow note,
and that you're not shining too bright to see it on your wall.
And to remind you that I'm sorry.



Depressing.
I was rummaging through all the papers in my desk last night, and I find this piece of paper with "To: Jessica" as the title. I read it through and started laughing.
The story behind this one is this:
My class in 9th or 10th grade in elc International School were playing soccer during P.E. I was running for the ball, trying to get to it before a Korean girl in my class, Jessica. We reached the ball at the same time, and our feet go for the ball at the same time, get intertwined and Jessica falls, while I'm left standing. I tripped her, basically. So I stop what I'm doing, forget about the ball and try to help her up, but she screams when I touch her arm. She's face down, and when I roll her over, there's blood coming out of her nose and mouth. I freak out when there's blood on someone else, especially when it's my fault, so at this point, I freeze, and everybody else start gathering around. Someone tries to help her up as well, but she screams again, so I yell, "Don't touch her arm!" and ask someone to go get water.

Blah blah blah.

She broke her collarbone...

It really depressed me, because I really felt like it was my fault, even though everyone told me it wasn't. So when I got home from school that day, I lay down on bed and cried a million tears or more and then wrote that thing for Jessica. I never gave it to her, of course.
I actually didn't want to post it here, but Ub told me to, so I did.

It's been a while since I wrote anything. Sad.
Bai.